Rogue Trader - The Hos Dynasty
The following is a report taken by Scribe Kerris Xei-Li in the service of Rogue Trader Lord-Captain Jequin Hos, regarding inquiries by the Ork identified as Kap’n Chaintusk on the situation in Grace. Great care has been made to render the bulk of his text as the Xenos “spoke” it, but in some areas a best approximation had to be used.
So right, we comez to dis system right before Mork brings the storm what done trapped all dose humiez wit us. Or maybe it wuz Gork. So Da Warboss say dis is a good sign and we not trapped wit da humiez but dey trapped here wit us! Dey tried to run from da system and we got lotsa gubbinz from dem what blew up from Mork’s stormz. Or maybe it was Gork’s? Not important. So we foughts a lot and won and he sez we go fight the pretty blue planet cuz blue is lucky right? But we keep sending da boyz down and none of dem ever come back so maybe it’s only lucky for da planet.
Then we go deeper into da system cuz dere’s dis station here what done got lotsa dakka so we know dere’z good fightin’ there! Dat wuz a good fight, but we donez take it over and we start gettin’ ready to WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH on dat planet cuz all dat nosh down dere. But den we just sitz on the Station and da Kaptin takes only da best of da best down he sez, so instead of Ordz we hasta fight and see who da best Orky. Dat was some good fights, but only da best went down and never comez back.
Dis went on for years, and da Kap’n who wuz Kaptin before me said dat da Warboss who wuz Warboss before Gold Suit Warboss said dat lost da blessing of both Gork AND Mork and he’d not known how to Rukk anymore, so he took our ship and we come out here to wait for Humiez to come. And old Kap’n wuz right cuz you showed up and den we got a good fight though dead Kap’n got cut in half and now derez new Warboss cuz he was best bonker! And den I got made new Kap’n, and you asked me some questions and den I started speaking about how we comes to dis system right before Mork brings the storm what done trapped all dose humiez wit us. Or maybe it wuz Gork… huh?
Da humiez on da planet? Most of us never been down dere cuz da Warboss said only da best gets to fight, so he takes da Orkiest boyz and goez down for looting! Dead Kaptain said all us Orks should just WAAAAAAAAGH da whole planet, but da Warboss sez no. Sometimez we getz lootz back, but da Boss sez da humiez haz big dakka down dere, so he needz da bests of us! Dead Kaptain said if we wuzn’t gonna krump da humiez on da planet den we goez to wait for more humiez, and den you came and Kap’n was right except thinking that we wuz gonna Krump you when you krump him!
Oh, I fink dat old Warboss still on dat Station, but now dat dere’s two of us we can go to dat station and make WAAAAAAAAAGH on him and den you getz his station and den we both go to da Humiez planet and take all da best Teef and Nosh!